I wrote a few personal journal entries this past week and decided to share them in succession in hopes they may encourage you in some way today.
Tuesday
I am so noticing that when I actually carve out 5-15 minutes of time early each morning and simply worship and root my day in the truth of who I am and give thanks to God that I am able to breathe another day of oxygen and set forth out into the world, I always find guidance when I ask.
At the close of my focused time on God (not my needs) today, I asked God what he had for me to know, and I heard, “my strength.” Why? I have no idea, but I chose to go with it. While the details of what this meant was sure to unfold, I decided to start by looking at scripture on the promises of God’s strength and this one seemed to quickly speak to me.
The Lord is my Rock and my Fortress and my Deliverer. My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. ~ Psalm 18:2
As I read it the first time, I found myself wanting to “memorize” it for the day and file it away as some great gift God would then impart wisdom through over the days, months, or whatever.
As I felt the nudge to re-read it, I knew it was for me to experience it rather than just learn it.
God asked me to feel the words. To know the words. To see the words as they flow through my being and my life.
Doing this takes longer than we might want to take in our spiritual discipline, but for me, I know it is the essence of what God is after that will make lasting change—that draws my own ways out of me and fills me with Christ-likeness, the true Amy. The one I already am in His eyes.
Today I will trust God when I feel weak. I will stop (literally, and within my being as I move through the day) and take note of how strong I feel when I believe He is stepping in as the mighty Lion of Judah to be the horn of my salvation – as I visualize my LORD delivering me from my troubles. I will use all my senses and expand my trust, experientially and not just on the surface level of knowing. I will grow in my KNOW!
Wednesday
Yesterday morning I asked God what he had for me to know about His nature and I heard, “strength.” Boy, did I see why all day long! I was hit hard with a depressiveness much of the day and it carried through. So much perspective shifting was necessary in order to bypass my normal go-to attitude of feeling weak and worthless when I struggle. While I still did this A LOT, I was again able to call that morning’s verse to help me take on a new perspective.
Rereading it, I realized how so often when I struggle, I tend to lean on the aspects of God’s nature as Comforter, Counselor, Refuge, and the like. While these are vital to my understanding of who God is and how I experience him, restoration and growth come from engaging all aspects of His nature. Now I chose to hold onto what I really sensed, which seemed odd, but figured there might be something to it…strength. Just strength.
I knew I needed to do more than just read it. I needed to know it. How would I do that? I did more than read it, I felt it. I visualized it and sure enough…my day took a turn where I needed to see God differently. I didn’t try to do things differently, but because I had prepared for the day ahead from His vantage point. I was reminded to not just see Him as my Rescuer and Comforter, but in order to move through the battle at hand, I needed strength, His Strength. I needed a fortitude and a mindset shift that would open a door to fight differently.
As my day progressed, my fight continued as I faced other challenges. Can I say it all ended wonderfully? No. Can I say I didn’t sleep much at all? Yes. Can I say I am calling on God and yet feeling a void and staying focused on my failings? No! I am leaning in, seeing and believing in a fresh and new way. Strength has not been my go-to defense for whatever reasons (and I am aware of many of them), but today I am pumped to further pursue how God wants to reveal Himself as my strength in times of trouble. Choosing to see the challenge as an invitation into what God has for me to experience as an upgrade, rather than another problem to face, is a shift in perspective that leads further into our MORE.
Yay God.
